Choosing What Matters (Even When You’re Anxious)
You can’t control every thought. But you can still choose what matters.
If you’re someone who tends to overthink (hello, perfectionists, people-pleasers, and high-achievers!), you know how exhausting it can be to live inside a mind that never seems to slow down.
Anxiety tells you that every decision is high-stakes. It plays out every worst-case scenario. It convinces you that if you just think hard enough, you’ll finally figure it all out.
But what if the goal isn’t to stop anxious thoughts? What if the goal is to stop letting them run the show?
This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) comes in. ACT teaches you how to let thoughts come and go, while still choosing actions that move you toward the life you want.
Your brain is wired to protect you, and it does that by trying to solve problems in the future or thinking back on situations to try to learn from them. That in itself is not a problem—in fact it’s essential to survival! However, when anxiety takes the wheel, your mind is working overtime to anticipate every possible threat, whether it’s a social misstep, a mistake at work, or something bigger.
When you're caught in this cycle, it's easy to believe the answer is to think harder or calm down before you can move forward. This often leads to:
Procrastination and indecision
Chronic self-doubt and “analysis paralysis”
Constant stress, even when life is going well
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken! Your mind is just doing what minds do. ACT teaches us: “Don’t fight the storm—learn to hold the umbrella.” Below are steps that help us to do just that.
Step One: You Are Not Your Thoughts
One of the main skills in ACT is defusion, which means learning to create space between you and your thoughts instead of getting tangled in them.
Most of us walk around so “hooked” by our thoughts that we take them as absolute truth.
“I’ll mess this up.”
“I’m not ready.”
“I have to be perfect.”
But actually these are just words. Not facts. Not instructions. Not commands.
Here’s a simple defusion practice to try:
Catch the thought when it shows up. (E.g., “I’m going to fail at this.”)
Add the phrase: “I’m having the thought that…”
→ “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail at this.”(Bonus points if you say it out loud!)
Notice how that slight distance softens its grip. It’s still there, but you’re no longer so caught up in the thought. You’re observing it.
Defusion isn’t a magic button that makes thoughts disappear, but it does give you breathing room so you can respond, instead of react. Access more defusion ideas here
Step Two: Choosing What Matters
If anxiety isn’t in charge, what is?
In ACT, we turn to values—the things that matter most to you, even in the presence of fear or discomfort. Values are like a compass: they help you choose your next step, even when the road is uncertain. They answer the question: “Who do I want to be in this moment?”
For example:
If you value connection, you might reach out to a friend even though anxiety says, “Don’t bother them.”
If you value growth, you might apply for the job, even though your mind whispers, “You’re not qualified.”
If you value authenticity, you might speak your truth, even when your heart pounds.
Values may change depending on the context; for example, values at work might be slightly different than values at home. Here is a list of values. Take some time to review them and see which ones align with you.
Bringing ACT into Your Daily Life
Let’s put it all together! Here’s a quick framework you can use when you feel stuck in overthinking:
Pause & Notice: What thoughts are showing up right now?
“Unhook”: Can I create space by stating “I’m having the thought…” or even naming the story if it’s a repeated theme (i.e. “Oh, there’s that failure story again…”)?
Check Values: What matters most to me in this moment?
Take One Step: What small action could move me toward that value?
You don’t have to wait for anxiety to vanish to live a meaningful life. You can learn to take one tiny step forward with anxiety along for the ride.
Let’s Get Vulnerable…
Here’s a little behind-the-scenes truth: therapists aren’t immune to anxious thoughts!
One of mine? “I’m not a good therapist.”
Yep. That one shows up from time to time—especially when I’ve had a hard week, feel tired, or compare myself to others in the field. My brain loves to offer up that thought as if it’s breaking news.
Through my own work with ACT, I’ve learned this: I don’t need to waste energy arguing with the thought, and I don’t have to wait for it to go away to keep showing up for my clients with care and presence.
Instead, I notice and name it: “Oop yep, there’s that thought that I’m not a good therapist.”
And then I ask myself: What matters more to me right now—figuring out if this thought is true, trying to “solve it,” getting lost in the spiral of how “not good enough” I am…or showing up for the people who trust me to help?
Every time I choose presence, connection, and authenticity over perfectionism, I’m living my values. Not because the anxious thought disappeared, but because I decided it didn’t get to be in charge of my next step.
Time to Try It Out!
Take a moment and ask yourself:
What’s one anxious thought I’ve been hooked by lately?
What value could guide me toward my next small step?
What’s one thing I can do today to move toward that value, even if anxiety is present?
You Don’t Have to Wait to Feel Calm to Start Living
At Pace Yourself Counseling Collective, we help clients just like you learn how to unhook from anxious thoughts, clarify what matters, and take gentle steps forward, without waiting for “perfect” conditions.
With in-person sessions available in Buckhead & Sandy Springs, GA, and virtual therapy available across Georgia, it’s easy to get started. Reach out today to schedule your free consultation call.