Meet the Parts That Keep You Safe (and Stuck)
When we talk about trust—trusting ourselves, trusting others—it’s easy to imagine it as something we either have or don’t. But in therapy, I often notice something else happening: different parts of us hold very different opinions about whether trust is safe. One part might be yearning for closeness, while another part feels the urge to run and protect.
Think about it this way: your mind and body are full of loyal protectors who learned their roles a long time ago. Maybe one part of you says, “Don’t let anyone in, they’ll just hurt you,” while another part whispers, “If I keep achieving, no one will notice how scared I feel.” These parts aren’t trying to sabotage you. They’re doing their best to keep you safe with the tools they picked up along the way.
The trouble is, the strategies that once protected you can also keep you stuck. Shutting down may have kept you from being hurt years ago, but today it might block you from forming the connections you long for. Numbing out might have softened overwhelming feelings in the past, but now it may keep you from experiencing joy. The body and mind don’t automatically update the rules when circumstances change; they just keep doing what worked before.
That’s where curiosity comes in. Instead of fighting against these parts, what if you got to know them? You might notice the critical voice that says you’re not good enough. Instead of treating it as the enemy, you could ask: What is this part afraid will happen if it doesn’t criticize me? Often, the answer is surprisingly tender: If I don’t push you, you might fail. If I don’t keep you small, you might get rejected. If I don’t control you, you might get hurt again.
By approaching these parts with compassion, you begin to build trust within yourself. You’re showing that all of your internal voices—even the ones that feel harsh—have a story to tell. When they feel seen and heard, they start to soften. And as they soften, you begin to experience more freedom to choose how you want to respond, rather than automatically falling into old patterns.
This is not about erasing parts of yourself or forcing them into silence. It’s about creating space for all of you: the scared parts, the protective parts, the striving parts, and the tender parts that long for connection. When you hold them with curiosity, you’re sending yourself the message: I can be trusted. I can listen. I can care for myself, even in the messy moments.
Rebuilding trust with others often begins right here with how we relate to ourselves. As you practice meeting your parts, you may find it gets easier to meet others with the same compassion. And slowly, step by step, the protective walls that once kept you safe can shift into bridges that help you connect.
Ready to start rebuilding?
If you’re curious about meeting your own parts and learning to rebuild trust from the inside out, that’s the heart of the work we do at Pace Yourself Counseling Collective. Through approaches like ACT, Internal Family Systems, and somatic therapy, we create a space where every part of you is welcome—especially the ones that feel stuck.
If you’d like support in this process, you can schedule a consult.
And if you’d prefer to start on your own, check out our free resources, such as guided meditations or the Identifying Your Inner Critic worksheet to begin exploring these ideas gently at your own pace.